23/10/11

Red Bar Radio is my favorite podcast and the host, Mike David, is the funniest guy ever.

I discovered him maybe six months after I stopped working. I thought he was hilarious. I also thought there was something evil about him.

I've thought that it might have been my emotional state at the time, but I really don't think that's it. Sure, I hated myself and I was drinking thirty cups of coffee a day, but nothing else gave me that same feeling. There was no one else that I admired and hated at the same time in that way. It's very difficult to explain.

I'm over that. Now I look up to him. I see who he is and what he's achieved and I want to be that. He's what I'm working towards. Nothing has hit me as hard as he has. He's the only thing in my life that has remained stable in my chaotic life. He's hard working, independently wealthy, creative for a living, and I want to be that. He's the reason I want to profit from my music. What I've learned from Mike is that I can't just be a shit - I can't just be narcissistic without cause; I can't lose myself in esoteric delusion; I have to achieve something.

In the most recent five (or so) episodes, he was talking about something that eventually reached a critical mass with a single sentence that I hope to fucking God is fucking true because if it isn't I swear I'll blow my fucking brains out: if you keep doing what you love, and people like it, the money will come.

I think I know why I thought he was evil. He made it very clear (and I'm sure this is what it was) that you have to horrible things to get what you want. That scared me.

What I want is to make music for a living. I don't want to spend my life working a job I hate. I want to do what I love. If I can't, I'll go crazy.

Mike does what I want to do. He makes his money on his own terms. He has explained on his show, in as many words, how to get what you want. Here's what it is.

Numer one: figure out who you are, what you want, and how to get it. Number two, go after it. You can't hate yourself for it.You can't let the fear of judgement and failure paralyse you. You have to believe that you deserve what you want.

If you're creative, nobody you ever meet will believe that you can profit from what you love until you have the money to show for it. After all, doing what you love is entirely antithetical to the idea of "work." You're not supposed to love your job. Otherwise, why would they pay you for it? But money affords you time. If I made music for a living, I would have all day every day to make music. That's what it comes down to. Mike is living proof that people are wrong, that work doesn't have to be horrible, that you can have what you want. He's also honest, though, about how horrible the process of getting to that place is. That's what scared me about him. He was, and still is, telling the truth.