18/11/11

An interesting email exchange I had.



James,

Just writing to say how much I enjoy your blog. Quick question - should I take up smoking?

- Sandra




Sandra,

I wouldn't, if I were you. Quitting is one of the hardest things you can do.

- James

P.S. Are you hot? If so, send me some pics.



James,

I almost took your advice, but in the end, I wanted to be seen as "cool."

- Sandra

P.S. Pics are attached.



Sandra,

Wow, you're smokin'!

That's a pun.

Though you really shouldn't have taken up the habit, I respect your decision and I agree that cigarettes are cool.

I remember when I started smoking. All the kids at school thought I was the "hot stuff." To illustrate my point, let me tell you about this thing that happened to me in math class.

The teacher asked me for the answer to some problem.

"Hmm..." I wondered, and I furrowed my brow and thought vainly.

Then...

...all the kids began to chant my name.

"James! James! James! James!"

I took heed. I straightened up. I thought more deeply than I'd ever thought. I lit a Marlboro Lite and sucked some sweet smoke down into my lungs. The chanting grew louder and I was in Marlboro land (country?).

"JAMES! JAMES! JAMES! JAMES!" they screamed, like little apes.

The answer came. "X, over 12, plus a million!"

They all cheered.

Oh boy did that take me back...

Anyway.

Great pics. Nice puss. Let's meet.

- James



James,

How about at [address removed], 7pm tomorrow?

- Sandra



Sandra,

Sounds great. See you there.

- James



James,

My head is still spinning! Thank you so much for such a wonderful evening. Let's meet up again!

- Sandra


Sandra,

Let's not, for the following reasons:

1. You are a conniving whore.

2. Your photographs were a scam. You clearly chose your best angles because from other perspectives you are less attractive.

3. You dress like a common slut.

4. I suppose you just "forgot" to mention that your voice has a tinny quality to it.

Don't contact me again.

- James